Joe Biden Pulls Hand Gun On Constituent

This past Tuesday, former Vice President Joe Biden held a rally in Bouffon, MN. The night was looking good for Joe, dozens of people had turned out for the event and were eager to applaud his every statement. They held up signs and wore shirts with his name emblazoned across the chest, they screamed as they jumped up and down. Some of them even had their phones out trying to record the experience. His speech went pretty well, he only had to mumble his way through the longer words that appeared on the teleprompter and he only messed up one of his quotes, something about the press…and freedom, I think. So he looked to be feeling pretty good when he noticed a sign that one attendee was holding up. The sign read, “My Guns, My Rights!” The man holding it was dressed in khaki slacks and a green button down shirt with an “NRA” hat on his head.

Biden addressed the man, saying, “guns have been used to kill 150 million Americans since 2007, and 175 million of those were in just the last three years!” The man with the sign looked puzzled, but good’ol Joe didn’t let up, “what makes you think your guns aren’t my rights? I have the right to take your gun because that gun kills people!” The man with the sign responded, “what are you talking about? The Second Amendment gives me the right to keep and bear arms.” Biden then said, “we all have arms, two of them to be exact, we don’t need a piece of paper to give us the right to keep them, especially not to keep them from bears.” The man with the sign, looking baffled by Joe’s razor sharp wit, said, “guns, I am talking about guns!”

Undeterred, Joe replied, “you want guns? I’ll give you guns!” He then jerked his hand out of his pocket and, with his thumb straight up, pointed his index finger at the man with the sign. Joe then started making “pew” noises with his mouth while jerking his hand up slightly to simulate kickback. The man stood there with his mouth open as he let his sign fall to his side, he was clearly defeated, Joe had won this round. The man then turned and walked out of the stadium, shaking his head and muttering under his breath as he went. Meanwhile, Joe was in top form, ducking behind his podium while still firing shots, “pew, pew, pew!” Then rolling across the stage to emerge into a prone position, “pew, pew, pew!” The crowd went wild, chanting, “Joe! Joe! Joe!” Joe Biden stood up and, dusting himself off, said, “aww shucks, twernt nuthin’…say, have I ever told you about the time I shot the guards and freed Nelson Mandela?”

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